Top 10 Christmas No-Nos

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Ladies, we all know that sometimes our partners need a nudge (or shove) in the right direction when it comes to buying us the perfect gift. Why don’t you “accidentally” leave this browser window open, or not so subtly send the link directly to him to make sure he knows exactly what to avoid.

It’s that time of year again, you’re gearing up to spend far too much time with relatives, some you possibly haven’t seen since last Christmas, and going a little bit crazy over what to get your girlfriend to let her know you spent longer than five minutes figuring out what would make her morning special, rather than giving her something that’s so clearly a Christmas Eve panic buy. If you’re doubting every idea that pops into your head and every swipe of your credit card, fear not our male friends, we’re here to give you a clear list of 10 presents to AVOID.

Since we understand the pressure you’re surely facing, here’s how to make sure your girlfriend’s “thanks babe, I love this!” is genuine.

1. Control pants (or any exercise equipment)

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No matter how much your girlfriend talks about her desire to lose weight, or how she really wants to find time to hit the gym, DO NOT fall for this trap. As her boyfriend you’re supposed to tell her she looks beautiful no matter what. We want harsh truths from our friends, not lovers. This present will send alarm bells ringing (and pots flying, in the direction you’re standing) because she’ll take it as you calling her fat. You might think this is a no-brainer, but my friend once got control pants from her boyfriend. Who is now her ex-boyfriend.

2. Gifts that are secretly for you

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e.g. Box-sets of DVDs she’s never heard of. A friend once got a box-set of different Actions and Thrillers she’d never seen or even heard of before. The “I thought it would be sweet for us to snuggle and watch these together” excuse didn’t fly either. You bought yourself some DVDs and now you’re pretending they’re for her. Probably worse than no presents at all. Shame on you.

3. Pandora charms

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These fall into the “fashion fads” category and should not be bought for a loved one under any circumstance, unless she clearly expresses her desire for one. Actually, that’s a little harsh. Maybe the only exception where a Pandora charm would be acceptable is if it’s your first Christmas together and you intend to mark the occasion with a Christmassy charm. Cute. However, don’t automatically assume it’s okay to buy your girlfriend a charm for every coming event in future, your once “sweet” present is now just a lazy way out of buying her anything thoughtful, which she will pick up on and your presents will become predictable. Not something you want, trust me.

4. Lingerie

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If you’re thinking of getting your girlfriend lingerie, stop it. Just stop it right now. This, again, is a gift FOR YOU, not her and all women see right through this. That’s not to say that you can’t get her some nice lingerie AS WELL AS something else.

5. Sex-Tip books

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Your plan will probably backfire when she lets you know who REALLY needs the tips. Buuuuurn.

6. Kitchen-esque /Cleaning gear

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What are you even thinking? Don’t be that guy. This doesn’t even need explaining. Next.

7. Joke gifts

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No. We are not men. We do not find a bar of soap with “face” on one side and “arse” on the other funny. We regularly question why you do. We don’t get it, and we never will. Try harder.

8. A Promise Ring

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Possibly the single worst idea you could have in the history of all the bad ideas you’ve ever had. Avoid this present like you’d avoid an ex-girlfriend, unless you want a very disappointed and very angry girlfriend on your hands, of course. A promise ring is NOT an engagement ring and is not sweet. It will make her think of getting engaged to you and if that’s not a road you want to skip down yet, you best not get her a ring of any sort.

9. Stuffed Toys

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The only exception is if you’re … In fact, no, no exceptions. No girl wants stuffed toys. None. We may say they’re cute and pretend we just *can’t* get to sleep without them, but in reality they just get in the way and usually end up on our bedroom floors, taking up space and looking messy.

10. Gift Vouchers

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The ultimate sign of defeat. Unless we’re talking about Spa Vouchers, then you’ve hit gold.

While I’m here I may as well point out clothes are a bad idea unless you know your girlfriend’s exact size and exact taste in all things fashion. Buy her the wrong size and you risk eternally offending her, not something you want to do.

There you have it, our guide to what NOT to get your girlfriend this Christmas. We know, woman make it a little hard to negotiate the present-buying minefield, but we do appreciate even the smallest presents providing they’ve clearly been thought-out. Good luck and happy shopping.

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