1) The way you get all hot and sweaty in your clothes and they end up getting stuck half way over your head. Help, anyone?
2) You feel like you’re standing in a coffin and proceed to hit your elbow on every surface. Ouch.
3) The leftovers from the last girl that was in your booth – crisp packets, hair rollers, you name it. Anyone for a half smoothie?
4) Why am I ghost white in one changing room and tangerine orange in another? And why does my face suddenly look like the surface of the moon? The lighting woes are strong.
5) Curtains stuck to the side with Sellotape. Curtains that don’t reach the other side and leave your bits on show. Locks that are hanging from their nails. Need I say more?
6) People who think they have the right to barge in. Excuse me, I don’t care if you think you left your handbag in here! I am nearly naked and I don’t want the world to see it, thank you.
7) Unless you found a dream dress that fits perfectly, it’s more than likely that you’re going to leave in the worst mood ever. Why doesn’t anything ever fit right!?
8) Mirrors that feel like they’ve come from the closest circus fun house. Stop stretching my legs to the length of Africa and squishing my bum and tum down. I need to see what this looks like on my actual body please.
9) The unimpressed look of the changing room assistant as you hand her back the clothes that didn’t fit. It’s your job and you are getting paid to take my things. Don’t give me those eyes.
10) If there’s not a chair where am I supposed to put the clothes that I take off? I don’t want them in a heap on the floor, thank you!
11) Picture this – I’m taking off a gorgeous dress that I absolutely loved. It’s a cappuccino coloured skate dress that will go so perfectly with tights in the winter months but oh hang on wait a minute, there’s another girls fake tan all over the inside of the dress. And is that lipstick that I’ve just seen on the collar? Brilliant.
12) That b*tch in the next cubicle that always shouts for a size 4 or 6. Self esteem? What self esteem?
13) When the girl before you has turned into thunderpants and every other lady in the changing rooms thinks it was you.
14) So you’re stuck in a dress. The zip has malfunctioned and won’t go up or down and now you’ve been stuck in here for over 10 minutes with no one to help you. You’re now terribly paranoid that the shop assistant is certain you’re shoving clothes into your handbag. No thanks!
15) I’ve planned my outfit down to every detail but hold on I have to leave all accessories at the door? But how will I know if this skirt goes with the shoes I plan to buy? Following orders I give up my accessories basket and spend the next minute tripping over all the other abandoned baskets strewn across the floor.