The perks of killing a wallflower: my journey with confidence

The red dress that gave me confidence…

Do you believe in astrology? Apparently, I’m supposed to be an “egotistical douchebag”. According to “Leos consider themselves indispensable and the centre of the universe.”

I never felt that the arrogant nature of the Leo related to me. I have struggled with low self-esteem since I was 12-years-old if not younger and with my weight being my biggest problem, I would attempt to avoid all social interaction and hide behind black clothing. This was an extremely difficult period for me because I never truly knew who I was. Instead of using fashion to express and find myself, I was too focused on concealing my body.

I despised going on nights out with my friends and I tried my hardest to avoid those that were not special occasions. I always thought that I looked horrible and that nothing suited me. All my friends would look cute wearing jeans with pretty vests and bodysuits and I’d turn green with envy as I just couldn’t get away with it. I’ve never felt comfortable in jeans not even on a day-to-day basis as I always felt that I looked like I’d made no effort and not in a cool Alexa Chung way.

In 2016, my best friend and I booked a 10-day adventure to the beautiful Indonesian island, Bali. When it came to shopping for holiday clothes I was completely stuck, I could not find anything that I believed would look remotely good on me. In a huff, I was ready to give up until I found a red T-shirt dress with a high neck on ASOS for £18 – I instantly fell in love and ordered it.

The dress arrived and as soon as I tried it on I felt so good – in that moment, all insecurities that I had, had gone. I adored everything about the dress from the colour to how the mix of cotton and elastane made it fit. It is super comfortable and above all, I loved how confident it made me feel, it never made me feel fat.

I scoured the internet to find more like it. My entire holiday wardrobe consisted mainly of T-shirt dresses.

I love the T-shirt dress. I love how it’s a blank canvas with which I can create numerous and effortless looks. The T-shirt dress is extremely versatile – I can dress it up with heeled boots and statement jewellery, or I can dress it down and wear it with my favourite trainers.

It is perfect for all seasons. I own so many now – I like to wear a T-shirt dress on a night out, I enjoy the freedom it enables as well as still feeling that I look like I’ve made more of an effort.

As journalist Hadley Freeman wrote in The Meaning Of Sunglasses: “A good dress will never make you feel fat, it can be worn with flats or heels, and everybody can find a style that suits them.”

As of today, I have lost 2st 7lbs and I am finally starting to feel good within myself. I even wore a pair of jeans recently on a night out and didn’t feel like crap. I’ve gained so much more confidence in this last year and even though I still hide behind black clothing, I have enjoyed experimented more with my style and occasionally don’t mind being the centre of attention.

But I will always treasure that red T-shirt dress and I don’t know if I’m happy or sad that it is now too big for me.


1 Comment

  1. Pamela Murray
    11/08/2017 / 23:19

    You are a beautiful beautiful young lady, inside and out! I find it difficult to understand how you don’t see your stunning eyes, to die for lips and fabulous hair! When you come alive so does the room n people around you…and don’t forget your sultry dance moves! Everyone needs a CLB in their lives..
    Wallflower? Girl your a sexy hibiscus
    and we all love ya! Hail to the red dress ♥️

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