A future without my brother

The idea of having a sentimental attachment to a piece of fabric never made sense to me, until September 2018.

Aside from 2007, as I pleaded for a pair of Nike Air trainers because ‘everyone else had them’, I grew up with little interest in sportswear and the brands that came with it. To me, the likes of Nike, Adidas, or Lacoste were overpriced and reminded me of the sitcom ‘Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of crisps’.

Over a decade later and I still boycott sportswear, the ‘Sports Luxe trend’ remaining firmly within the pages of magazines opposed to being in my wardrobe. Maybe it’s my lack of enthusiasm when it comes to working out, but my idea of sportswear are Primark leggings and the nearest crop top.

Despite the tangent, I don’t dislike sportswear or the lucky individuals that look amazing whilst wearing it (Sporty Spice will always remain iconic). I’m forever envious of those women who look stylish and may I add comfortable in cycle shorts and an oversized tee, whilst I’m stuck with hoisting up tights countless times, still unable to master the art of finding the poppers on a bodysuit. 

Style choice is just one from a list of many as to why my sibling and I were described as chalk and cheese, the running joke of him being a ‘Chav’ and me a ‘Goth’. Yes, I’ll admit I went through a phase of wearing skulls and pentagram necklaces when it wasn’t Halloween, but doesn’t everyone look back on outfits and question how you left the house wearing them? 

Unlike me, Aaron stayed loyal to his style and primarily opted for brands. Any shopping trip we went on was an ordeal, given the fact I never stepped a foot inside JD sports so couldn’t browse for myself, and the deliberation on what T-shirt he should choose lasted far too long. I’ll always remember when my dad made the big mistake of buying him a cap for Christmas, which resulted in a lengthy debate on what one he should choose despite them being near enough identical. Even a woman in line for the checkout gave her opinion, possibly after overhearing our frustration growing and to prevent my dad from going prematurely bald from his lack of patience.  

On September 12th, 2018 my feelings towards sportswear changed.

The pain of losing my sibling is still indescribable. Although we weren’t twins, were nine years apart and had completely different personalities, our bond was and will always be irreplaceable. Despite having friends and other family members I feel like the jokes and relationship between siblings is an impossible one to replicate. ‘My best friend is like a sister’ was often a phrase I thought was true until I now face the fact that my true sibling is gone.

I find myself attached to a bundle of his clothing, an array of brands I’d avoided for over a decade now bringing me great comfort. It’s bizarre to think that seeing a pair of Nike Air trainers, walking past JD or simply seeing someone dressed in a similar outfit stirs such a strong reaction. Perhaps it’s early days or I’ll always have this feeling, but as of now, a bundle of clothing has such an impact on my emotions that I’ll never part with an Adidas top.



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